Monday, November 26, 2007

Question: What is worse than having a bad day? (Jun 25, 07)

Answer: A bad day without music.
Question: Why no music?
Answer: Drowned in water.
Question: Where?
Answer: Bathtub.
Question: Eh?
Answer: Yep.
Question: What drowned again?
Answer: Ipod.
Question: ... How?
Answer: ... It slipped.
Question: ...How?
Answer: Wasn't thinking. Mind was somewhere else.
Question: Ipod?
Answer: Me.
Question: Why?
Answer: Just because.
Question: What now?
Answer: Praying for it to come back to life.
Question: Why?
Answer: Because it's been bringing smiles to my face everyday, no matter how bad my day might have been. Smiles from the heart - which are even more precious than laughs. Added a little more color to my world. No more... No more...

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Things that Make Me Smile (May 28, 07)

Something more cheerful this time: Things that Make Me Smile

  • Sunshine
  • Beach
  • Water
  • Thought of my bubbly mom and chilled dad
  • Thought of my "friendship" with my brother and him telling me for the first time (a few months ago) that he loved our family
  • Thought of my best friend Michelle, the times when we used to chill at my place in Toronto, when we went shopping together, when we had bubble tea, when I included a few Portuguese words in my email (she's Brazilian-Chinese)
  • Knowing I was in someone's thoughts
  • Smell of spring
  • 1st morning waking up in a foreign country
  • (2nd and 3rd and 4th....... morning waking up in foreign country)
  • Little kids smiling at me
  • My comfy bed
  • My huge plant "Tatiana"
  • Memory of someone saying goodbye to me teary-eyed, while wiping my tears with his finger
  • Memory of someone looking at me when I woke up from a nap and smiled
  • Sweet liquor
  • Nice, inspiring movie (that is not dark)
  • Connection with genuine, friendly, sincere people
  • Pudim de leite (milk pudding)
  • Long strolls
  • Fluffy animals
  • Support from friends
  • Support from family
  • Not following routines
  • Finding my new talent
  • Connecting with people from other cultures
  • My tan!!!!
  • Nature (everything BUT insects and reptiles and vicious-looking animals)
  • Outdoor activities (I'm talking about the action, largely excluding Sports haha)
  • Doing difficult yoga poses, esp arm balances
  • Music
  • Having the energy to hop and skip around
  • Good hair days
  • My apartment turned clean and clutter-free when I arrive home
  • Hot dry weather
  • Most things related to travel
  • Nice, engaging conversations
  • Great book
  • Re-reading breakup letters (written by me.....ha!!! ooops sorry, Ex's)
  • Looking at my silly old drawings and comic strips (mostly related to travel) / Thinking about the one I drew for my last Japan trip
  • Beautiful flowers (no yellow / purple / orange)
  • Refreshing colors
  • Nice clear sky
  • Kisses under the sun
  • Kisses in the rain
  • Me being a source of emotional support
  • Me lighting up someone's world
  • Someone I like looking at me lovingly
  • Someone I like trying to bring a smile to my face :)
  • ............................................................
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The art of letting go (Feb 07, 07)

Friends say I can be very extreme. When I decide that something is important to me, I guard it with my life and there is no such thing called obstacle that can come in between. I am a true believer that everything is possible if you try hard enough, if you want that thing bad enough.

But if one day it strikes me that I've been holding onto the wrong thing all along, I let go without regrets.

In life, we have to be honest to ourselves, especially about our mistakes and wrong judgment. I believe in fighting for what is precious to us and worth fighting for. Yet I equally believe in letting go of what is wrong for us and not worthy of our effort. The sooner we admit our mistakes, the sooner we pick ourselves up, keep walking and searching for new meaning in life.

Life isn't that complicated afterall, is it?

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Tick Tock Tick Tock (Jan 23, 07)

A poor and plain looking girl found a magic lamp in the desert, rubbed it, and a genie flew out, offering to grant her one wish. Immediately she wished for what was lacking in her life: wealth and great beauty. He granted it and said,"your wish has been granted and you will become the wealthiest and most beautiful girl in the world, for 3 months - after which you will resume to your current state. Now go and enjoy your wish!"

Life is full of irony. People say that without the bitter, the sweet ain't as sweet. Well, I quote that too, mostly as comforting words for people going through bad times. Though secretly, I find it cruel for life to punish people who are blissfully happy thinking the sun is shining down on them. Yes, of course one needs to have the "Ah Q" spirit and be able to look back and think "well at least I was happy for while". But being able to stop oneself from continuing to think "But why did it have to come to an end? Why?" can be a challenge.

I have mastered that skill of not questioning life since years ago. Though, accepting and not dwelling on it does not mean the bad experiences themselves are not painful enough. It certainly does not guarantee not to leave any trace in your memory or your heart quietly awaiting the unexpected occasions to be triggered and awaken.

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Listener (Jan 03, 07)

An hour ago (4am), I had my worst panic attack, feeling so much pressure that I considered checking into the hospital in Happy Valley. But I couldn't, knowing I cannot afford to skip work tomorrow. (Ugggghhh, that in itself was my source of pressure.)

Desperate to lift myself up (you know me, I won't let myself sink), I called up an old friend who had supported me through very bad times in the past. I talked, he listened. Feeling better after the phone call, I realized that in fact we hadn't solved my source of anxiety. We hadn't attempted to fix anything (since it was mainly work-related) and yet just knowing that someone I trusted was sympathetic towards my situation and feelings already made a world of difference. I didn't need him to find me a solution afterall.

Often times, what gives us strength and comfort is something so basic: the feeling that someone is on our side ready to listen and share our pain and worries, and knowing that we are not walking alone.

To all those who have listened when I desperately needed to talk: thanks from the bottom of my heart. I truly appreciated it.

(OK, finally I'm feeling slightly sleepy... and it's almost 6am.)

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These Streets (Nov 29, 06)

I have set this as my alarm ringtone for a week now, but had never paid attention to the lyrics until this morning when I listened to the song carefully for the first time, though half awake... and it made me a bit nostalgic and sad the whole day.


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