Parent-Daughter

Many of my friends know that I don't see my parents very much, even though they live in Hong Kong. I usually explain that my family members are all very independent and we don't seem to have this need or habit to see each other frequently in order to feel close. This is true, yet I realized last night that there was more to it.

My parents tend to have this perception that if their daughter is always busy at work and travelling, it must be that everything is going well for her whether in career or in relationship. They believe that their daughter is very tough, and nothing/ no one can harm her. In view of recent 1.5 years still meeting up with them with the same boyfriend, they probably think that her relationship is a happy and healthy one, and marriage is a pretty definite plan down the road.

I don't want to burst the bubble. I don't want to break the news to them, that their daughter does not live a perfect, fairytale life. That life is just as cruel to her as everyone else. When I visit my parents, I tell them about my trips and other things that aren't too personal. I don't want to let them down.

I remember when I was only 3 or 4, my mom was going through a very tough phase and was in a depressive state, telling me her problems, and telling me to find a man who truly loves me and cares about me when I grow up. I was too young to understand fully what she was saying, but I knew she was in great pain and suffering. All I could do was cry and nod, to indicate I understood. Now that I am a grown-up and my mom is like a cheerful, bubbly little kid most days, I can't bear to do a reverse role play to her. I can't tell her how much burden I'm feeling, how much stress I get from work, how much worries I have over my relationship and my future.

No Title

Had a chat with an old friend a few weeks ago and we both mentioned how we missed listening to music together, sipping liqueur, exchanging thoughts on life.

I miss such quality time spent with friends or loved ones, enjoying the companionship and moment, connecting with each other. Now it's all about doing things, going somewhere, meeting someone. I feel disconnected. When was the last time I stayed home to listen to music with someone? When was the last time I sat on the pontoon with someone watching sunset? When was the last time someone looked at me in an admiring way? When was the last time I enjoyed the pleasures of cooking with someone?

I have been wondering what life would be like if such simple pleasures could never be experienced again. The thought scared me. It scared me even more when I realized that lately I had stopped going on strolls in the neighborhood, getting desserts, grocery shopping, playing scrabble, replaced by having dinner at 9pm, going to sleep at 10:30pm.

The scariest part was not not the current pattern - as patterns could change if one wanted them to - but being thought of as "crazy" for wanting slightly more out of everyday life.

I Shoot Film!

Life is not the same after having my Lomo LCA+.
Still experimenting with the focus, the wide angle lens, the flash (didn't work too well), different film - but so far it's been loads of fun and a great learning process.
Click on the collage to see more clearly: