Love Myself Again

When I was busy getting ready to move into new flat last week, I suddenly realized that I had not been eating right at all. I had been eating about one meal a day, had not gone grocery shopping for more than one month, had not been eating fruits other than free bananas in office pantry, had not drunk any milk at all for weeks, and I had been very sick for about 3 weeks now. I thought to myself: this is not right, I have to take good care of myself once I have moved into new home.

So this is what I am going to do starting tomorrow. I will remember to love myself again and do everything I can that will make me happy and healthy. Today I finally went to see the doctor about my neverending cough which has been causing my throat to swell up and hurt like hell. Am now under very heavy medication and super drowsy as I type.....

The mourning phase is officially over. I will live life again :)

New Best Friend, Sally

Moved into new flat 2 days ago and already met a new friend, Sally. She is approachable, generous, always ready to help, stable..... My new companion in the neighbourhood.

I am talking about the WIFI connection I've been stealing from since I moved in. I've been using broadband internet connection called "Sally" which my computer detected. It's working really well, very good connection! :P

Byebye I love you!

My last night in this flat. Still with tons of little things lying around, boxes and "red-white-blue" bags stacked up in the living room, like a war zone. I am going to miss my home so so so so much, or rather, the memories in this flat that of course I can bring with me wherever I go. Still, it is different from looking at my sofa and recalling the times when someone used to always fall asleep when waiting for me to change and head out, or when there was not much conversation, only exchange of smiles and stares with someone..... Or the kitchen, where my caipirinhas were prepared..... The bed, where stories were read (some unfinished)..... The bathroom, where someone used to always put toothpaste on my toothbrush for me....

It's now 6:33am. Going to start moving in 2 hours..... I hope to have a good night's sleep tonight. Byebye sweet memories!

Pre-Move

It is so much work to move to a new flat!
Ordering new furniture and curtains;
Making arrangements with moving company;
Arranging all the deliveries and assembling (plant, furniture, TV, curtains)
Finding the right TV (a white Samsung LCD);
Framing a painting;
Thinking of pictures I can put up;
Packing smartly;
Getting rid of things I haven't been using for a long time;
Calling up PCCW to take their Now TV machine back (no need for sports channel since I no longer have a soccer/NBA/tennis crazy boyfriend to please haha);
Buying new plant since my living room is soooooo white;
Buying new cushions to add color and for guests to sit on;
Thinking where to put what in the new flat to optimize space.....

Well, it's my fault. I like to make my flat close to perfect the day I move in, so I have to cramp all the deliveries and assembling within 12 hours, and unpack for 6 hours. Am glad I can do all this without a guy! (Except Stephen who needs to help me set up my TV and DVD, and drill hole in the wall so I can hang the painting)

Walking

Suddenly, I feel glad that I have been through so much in the past year or so. I have evolved so much I think I'm now at my best as a person: so much more independent, calm, self-content, understanding, accepting, accommodating, easy-going and forgiving.

Now, at this very moment, I truly mean it when I say that I am grateful for this difficult journey in the past year. I feel blessed to have met all those who have touched my heart in many different ways, those who have shared so many happy moments and connected with me. And I'm proud to say that I feel loved right now even though I am very single and am sitting on my bed alone. It takes a lot to truly feel loved and cared for without having someone physically beside me.

A few months ago, I wrote about walking alone again, trying to find my path, while feeling sad that the past seemed so fuzzy as I looked back. Now, I am continuing with my journey, walking at a leisurely pace, enjoying the scenery, looking back every now and then - but no more feeling of loneliness, because I know I'm not really walking alone.

Sober Thoughts

I haven't made enough effort to shift to the middle of the bed
Haven't stopped thinking about my missing rock
A name still comes to mind when my alarm goes off
Still stare at the electric toothbrush for an extra second before picking it up
And wonder as I am brushing my teeth what the salty toothpaste really does for me

I have been going out each and every day
Making my schedule as jam-packed as I could
I stopped crying, thinking and ... the occasional smoke
Allowed myself to embrace new beginnings
And be patient with myself, awaiting all the lovely things that will happen to me

Note: 3am, back from a night out with zero alcohol - been coughing like crazy and on antibiotics and painkillers. Totally sober thoughts.

Goodbye (1) - The Table

In 2 weeks, I will be out of this apartment. I've had so much memories here, it's painful to have to leave. Before I go, I want to say goodbye to each memorable part of my home... Starting with The Table.

This is where I used to eat, work, chat online, put my Moleskin notebook, wallet, letters...

Also where they used to put their wallets, keys, Moleskin notebooks, Blackberry, pen, coins...

I have eaten breakfast here many times...
Mango yoghurt, papaya, orange juice and muesli;
Pomegranate yoghurt, grapes, croissant, fried eggs, ham, sausage, Earl Grey, passion fruit juice.

Hairy crab dinner with Gloria;
Angel's hair with pesto with Angela;
Steak with Johnny;
Takeaway dinner and lots of sweet soup with David;
Homemade Chinese soup with different friends.

My Caipirinhas;
Pisco, Amarula shots;
Flaming Pisco and Cachaca.

Beautiful surprise flowers in a vase;
Narcissus flowers during Chinese New Year;
Christmas flowers which died before Christmas.

Connie's cute little notes after cleaning up...

Where numerous research reports were produced and analyzed...

Countless messages of love sent and received...

This is My Table.

21 days

I believe that you can fully get used to any habit within 21 days.

- entering your new PIN number without mistakes
- sleeping on a different side of the bed
- having a new accessory on your body (which you do not take off), like a ring, a bracelet, an anklet, a necklace
- using a new mobile phone
- feeling comfortable in a new flat
- remembering someone's smell
- forgetting someone's smell
- having someone in your everyday life
- not having someone in your everyday life
- loving someone
- not loving someone

Of course, it doesn't mean that you'll enjoy the habit. Though, in 3 weeks' time, you'll likely not feel too much disruptions in your life anymore and ... life goes on.

Catch My Breath

Wow, I feel like I just finished a rollercoaster ride, and waiting for it to start again any second! This has been an extremely crazy week, I still have trouble calming myself down, organizing my thoughts to write!
- had a sudden transfer at work and now have to look after a team of strangers, and some really problematic projects
- late in checking tons of reports that need to be delivered next week
- received soooooooo many emails, everybody hoping I can play God and help him/her
- met a new friend who's everything I look for in a good friend and has been keeping me company
- bumped into my 2nd boyfriend (Chris Chan) who was a complete jerk and is still very full of himself and is eager to meet up - he is back in HK for a week to job hunt
- re-united with my 1st boyfriend's little sister on facebook because she saw me posting a note on her highschool classmate's wall - I haven't seen Carmen (the little sister) for more than 10 years! She was in elementary school when I was dating her brother, and I used to spend a lot of time with her, drawing, walking around flea markets, etc etc
- food poisoning from my welcome lunch - how ironic!! (It's a sign.....?!!) I did a presentation with a really painful heartburn and passed out when I got home...... dizzy and exhausted yesterday but still had a painfully long client meeting.
- going to help a girl find a guy tonight, going to a farewell tomorrow night, having to start planning for the flat move, etc etc etc....

Help!!!!!! My heart is beating so fast it's about to pop out!

December - month of changes

I thought Dec was supposed to be a month of wrapping up and celebrating new beginning. Well it seems like my calendar is a little screwed up and the new beginning is starting a month early!

I asked for changes and I got them all happening at the same time! Looks like a very busy and stressful month... period... ahead. It's not fair - I also asked for a happy, chilled life!! Why wasn't that wish granted??????