Unpleasant Experience

Years ago I had this pathetic experience at work....

I was working in Johnson & Johnson, a company I had wanted to get into for many years, and had this male boss who put me down, snapped at me, made me feel useless almost every day. Some days, when he was in a better mood, he'd be nicer to me, but most days he was very mean and nasty.

I remember trying very hard to please him, making my analysis as detailed as possible, trying to establish better relationships with my clients, thinking of new promotions to launch in my accounts, helping him deal with stuff he didn't want to deal with. I did everything within my capacity, hoping that one day he'd change the way he treated me and start to show appreciation for my work. Didn't happen. Each day I cried before going to work, while hoping that I wouldn't get yelled at that day. Each day I felt so pathetic, still holding on to the job when my boss clearly didn't like me and clearly wasn't going to change. I even tried to talk to him nicely about it, but he ended up blaming me instead for not being good enough. I needed and wanted the job, so I stayed despite all that crap I was getting.

After two and a half years, I left the company without any regrets.

That experience still bothers me sometimes, remembering how I was like a victim. If you know me, I'm no victim. It really felt horrible knowing I was doing my very best and still wasn't appreciated, and was even blamed for his emotional outbursts. Looking back, I wish I hadn't cared so much about the job and how he saw me as a staff, so I wouldn't have had to appear so helpless, vulnerable and desperate.

This is something I want to remind myself of: If I am already doing my absolute best with little room to improve, yet am not receiving the appreciation I deserve, when the time comes, gracefully walk away. No crying, no begging, no blaming myself.