Comfort Zone - Part 1

I was talking to my silly friend in SG just now about "comfort zone in a relationship". The question I posed was: How can you get comfortable in a relationship without getting too comfortable?

Excerpt from our conversation (obtained permission from SY to post parts of our discussion, with some minor editing done) -

SY says:
the reality of it is that... the honeymoon gazing in eyes thingy will eventually fade... but when comes special moments like birthdays, anniversaries... these will be the moments that u go that extra mile and buy whip cream
Cindy Tang says:
aiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that's the problem DUDE!
SY says:
HK no whip cream?
Cindy Tang says:
girls don't want to feel special only on special festive days!
SY says:
girls can be sooooo difficult... haiya....
Cindy Tang says:
back to the subject. girls don't want to feel like relationship, marriage... are the end of romance... you see, we have to give up the "excitement" of dating other people to be in a relationship
SY says:
takes 2 hands to clap... guys some times like for girls to initiate it too.
Cindy Tang says:
and we hope that we can get the same passion and excitement in our current relationship so it won't feel like it's any loss to be in a serious, monogamous, faithful relationship
and we hope that we can some level of passion, excitement, freshness in our current relationship
SY says:
well... look at it this way... you watch tropic thunder 1x and you get all the jokes fresh and it amuses u. you watch it a 2nd time and u pick up of those you might have missed the 2nd time rd and laugh albeit lesser... repeat the process and what happens?
Cindy Tang says:
it's different! because, in this example, the movie never changes! but when you are with someone, that someone can change, and interact with you differently, or talk about different things with you
and the movie doesn't have feelings! your gf does!
SY says:
needless to say, the bf will prob be the same person and won't change much. the excitement and adrenaline that you get from new men... key word being new. so the harsh reality is... there will come a point that you know him inside out... he won't excite you the same way as per the beginning.... but in a different sort of way

sure... his exposes would be new... but the underlying character is more or less the same
Cindy Tang says:
you can know someone inside out, but what you experience with that person can change!
if you make an effort that is
SY says:
of course... but u need to realise that it will get harder over time to find new experiences involving the 2 of u that is completly novel
Cindy Tang says:
IF only, you can still make the effort to ask her out on a date every now and then... surprise her occasionally.... it could break that chain of boredom
it doesn't have to be novel
it can be something you've done before, but not periodically... anticipated
SY says:
and how would it still be a surprise if it happens too regularly? causal loop
Cindy Tang says:
and of course it takes BOTH to make that effort
i said not regularly...
i'm not trying to criticize you dear
SY says:
sure. actually... there's not 1 size fits all solution. it really all depends on the chemistry of the couple.
Cindy Tang says:
i'm just saying... there are things one can do to make a long term relationship fresh
SY says:
then if not regularly enuff... you feel it lacking.
Cindy Tang says:
and really, most girls do crave for that
SY says:
it's a thin line
Cindy Tang says:
that extra effort really makes us feel special
SY says:
well.. u know what is true romance? just sharing quite time with the person and yet feeling no lack. it's all in the chemistry.
Cindy Tang says:
hehehehehe
that is comfort not romance
male and female will always see things so differently... :I
SY says:
embrace that... it's the beauty of it.
Cindy Tang says:
not beautiful when it causes boredom and tension
SY says:
look at it this way... if u were dating a guy with girl traits.... "CAT FIGHT"
Cindy Tang says:
*faints*
SY says:
hahahah girls are more sensitive and guys are more indifferent. that forms a balance.
if girl is sensitive and guy's a snag... bad combination
Cindy Tang says:
if you truly love someone, and you know that you can do something simple - though not significant to you - to make that person feel happy and special, why wouldn't you do it?
Why would you choose to DO NOTHING, to make her feel anxious, taken for granted, unattractive, unspecial?
SY says:
it's becos while girls get the luxury of being emotional, guys tend to be more rational and that complements the 2 emotions.
sure... i will do it. but guys are usless... u need to tell them what exactly are these things... at least some kind of guideline.
Cindy Tang says:
how difficult is it to spend 80 sgd to buy some flowers if that would make her happy?
SY says:
i just did exactly that... even in terms of price. did i tell you?
Cindy Tang says:
or just buy her a card to tell her you're happy you're with her?!
SY says:
i did that also...
Cindy Tang says:
sounds gay, but it makes a difference and it takes ZERO effort
you only did that for her recently
SY says:
yeah... but still....
Cindy Tang says:
you probably stopped in past few years!
SY says:
well... if i salvage this... am sure i'll do it more often

I'm not sure if we came to any conclusion/consensus, haha... If anything - that male and female will never understand each other?

I guess what I'm trying to say - on behalf of other women - is that women do need to feel loved, attractive, desired, cherished, special. Yes, a lot of us women may have a great career but our ultimate confidence does come from men. Trust me, I'm not proud of this, but I have to admit it's true. I've done some motivational research among women a few years ago for work and have personally interviewed women from all walks of life - the results confirmed this. When we are single, we get such confidence from our different admirers. When we do decide to get into a serious relationship, it's because we feel that this guy alone is enough to make us feel special, without the need for other admirers. Yet, to sustain such confidence, we need reassurance every now and then, to feel in love. We prefer not to get such reassurance from other men around us (pursuers/ men who check us out on the street... in the restaurant...), but the person we're with. Aiya, we women will never understand why men just don't understand. =P