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Woke up by mosquito bites at 2:30am, I had trouble going back to sleep and ended up reading some old emails and chat history with friends.....

I watched a local movie called "Happy Birthday" last night on DVD, about this girl who looks forward to birthday blessings each year from this guy she dated back in college days and is still in love (but not in a relationship) with - his blessings are to her the only confirmation of his love for her. The movie was fine but I actually liked the special features better, especially when the actors and actresses talk about their view of the story and the characters' emotional journies. The writer and main character talks about how people nowadays have become increasingly insecure in relationships, with so much going on in everyday life, so many distractions..... one grows from not knowing what he/she wants to feeling he/she is sure what he/she wants, then doubting whether something really is what he/she wants..... She finds that the older she gets, the more clueless she is about relationships.

Re-reading past emails and chat sessions with people I rarely contact these days reminded me of this movie (the special features of this movie, rather). Perhaps life is not about ultimately understanding what everything is about, but just simply enjoying, indulging in the process, the learning experience itself? Perhaps there is no such thing as THE thing or person you want, because it changes at different points in your life as a result of your life encounters? I am starting to convince myself that I know nothing, and that it is totally fine not knowing.