Expiry

I finished my report very quickly and decided to take half day leave / sick leave to see the doctor and rest.

I spent an hour at the beach, which had never looked prettier - just a hint of whitish mist in front of the hilly backdrop, over the greenish calm water, with a bright peach-pink sun about to set. I felt sad though, knowing it was my last beach visit for the year as fall has already arrived.

I went to my neighborhood supermarket hoping to start taking good care of myself and feeding myself. I ended up with:
- a bag of toilet rolls - the brand that fits into my toilet roll holder
- 4 boxes of Kleenex
- very green bananas
- unripe dragon fruits
- a lotus flower
- a carton of apple juice
- a carton of soya bean milk
- dried dates
- butter - because he had left my fridge door open a month ago and my butter had turned bad
- 12 bottles of 1.5L Evian water
- 3 ears of sweet corn
- 2 small starfruit sorbets

Now I'm sitting here hungry, cos I can't cook with any of these. Just a month ago, when I was doing the same shopping trip, I used to buy red meat, vegetables, potatos, spices to cook for both of us. This time, I pushed the cart around the supermarket aimlessly and had no idea what I could cook for myself. When I was in a relationship, I could try to get us both to eat right, cooking broccoli, soup, beef slices, fried eggs with mushrooms or tomatoes, pan fried salmon (which was a disaster).... There was the common goal to make each other healthier. Now I'm on my own again, and I completely lost the motivation to live healthily.

It sucks to be alone, unless you're starting to see other people. We were both happy living together for months. I don't know why he's been struggling to set himself free lately. I suppose I need to keep reminding myself not to ask why, since it's already a fact that he pushed me away and now he got what he wanted.

He hasn't even been reading my blog in the past few months. Perhaps there was an expiry date on the relationship, of eight months, only the sticker had fallen off and I hadn't realized.