It sucks to realize/accept that my life is no chick flick - no You've Got Mail / Sleepless in Seattle / Love Actually / Notting Hill... In those movies, the man and the woman meet in some weird way, fall in love, separate because of some stupid reasons, endure great pain from the separation, and then decide they can't live without each other, and live happily ever after. Like the classic ending in When Harry Met Sally:
Harry: Well, how about this way? I love that you get cold when it's seventy-one degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend a day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes, and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Years Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of the life to start as soon as possible.
(Sally's eyes show that she is smitten - but she is not ready to admit it yet)Sally: You see, that is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you. And I hate you, Harry... I really hate you. I hate you ...
For me, it's "byebye I love you". Period. Something is clearly wrong! If I could have all these interesting / weird / sweet encounters like in movies, my movie deserves a proper happy ending!! Now it's more like "The Neverending Dating Story of Cindy" / "100 Dates" / "Love Curse" (hahahaha).
A good friend was in town the other day, and she couldn't wait to hear about my latest stories (we hadn't spoken for a long time as she was in Toronto). After I finished, she went: Wow! Cindy you're amazing!! It's been like a soap opera, always with the weirdest twists and turns, since I knew you back in college!
Urgghhhhh but I don't want drama!! I really don't!
A while ago, a friend's friend with clairevoyance said to me: Cindy, you came to this world asking for excitement, options, experiences and most importantly freedom. You need to remember to embrace what you asked for and have been granted. I was dumbfounded. Indeed, I grew up wishing for all that. I wanted to NOT have a stable home, but to fly around the world and experience different things. I wanted to NOT be tied down by any relationships, I wanted my space and my freedom to experience things alone. I wanted to NOT have any responsibilities for anyone. I don't remember since when I started forgetting all those things I had been pursuing and began to crave for stability and security.
That's why people say: watch what you pray for! Damn... I wonder if it is too late to say to God: Sorry, I was young and stupid and didn't know what I was praying for..... Let's do it again? Please forget about the excitement, and just let me live happily ever after with the next guy I fall crazily in love with? Yeah?
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