An hour ago (4am), I had my worst panic attack, feeling so much pressure that I considered checking into the hospital in Happy Valley. But I couldn't, knowing I cannot afford to skip work tomorrow. (Ugggghhh, that in itself was my source of pressure.)
Desperate to lift myself up (you know me, I won't let myself sink), I called up an old friend who had supported me through very bad times in the past. I talked, he listened. Feeling better after the phone call, I realized that in fact we hadn't solved my source of anxiety. We hadn't attempted to fix anything (since it was mainly work-related) and yet just knowing that someone I trusted was sympathetic towards my situation and feelings already made a world of difference. I didn't need him to find me a solution afterall.
Often times, what gives us strength and comfort is something so basic: the feeling that someone is on our side ready to listen and share our pain and worries, and knowing that we are not walking alone.
To all those who have listened when I desperately needed to talk: thanks from the bottom of my heart. I truly appreciated it.
(OK, finally I'm feeling slightly sleepy... and it's almost 6am.)
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