Responsibility

Last week I already wanted to write about responsibility. In fact, I finished writing about it, but ended up deleting it because it seemed too negative and I was hoping to start bringing more positive vibe to my blog. Just an excerpt, I was quoting myself from a conversation:

"I just realized it wasn't an issue of adopting versus having my own. Since I was little I've known how unreliable marriage was. What would I do if my future marriage didn'twork out and I had to raise my kid alone?! Look at me, I can totally forget to eat the whole day when I'm feeling sad or tired. As much as I love animals, I can't even keep a puppy at home because it's a big and important responsibility yet I can't even guarantee whether I can come home at decent hours everyday to feed it! If I can't even keep a puppy, how can I raise a baby alone?"

Today, I had a breakthrough: I realized that I was actually ready to keep a dog. Of course, not any dog - I will have to pick a breed that is more likely to be independent since I will still have to be away from home around 10 hours a day on weekdays. Point is, I think I am now ready for the responsibility for various reasons:

Lifestyle
I no longer need to work crazy hours like in the past few years; on average I can leave work around 7 to 7:30pm; I don't stayover at anyone's place (Yes, I'm single!); I don't normally make plans for weeknights except for a few dinners. In other words, I'm much more available (for dating and for the pup!) than before to walk the pup and keep him company. In fact I love going on walks, so it'd be perfect to bring pup along.

Mentality
Between the years of 2001 and 2006, working in HK led me to the mentality of Me Me Me. I was quite self-centered and everything was supposed to be about Me and Me alone. Thus keeping a dog was out of the question as it would mean sacrificing my clubbing time, dating time, work time, sleep time, etc. Because of the Me Me Me mentality, I used to be very afraid of responsibility. More than once I left a guy because it freaked me out knowing that I was partly "responsible" for his happiness. (I know, I was such a bitch!! Hey but at least I've become a sweetie now! haha)

I realized today that I was actually ready to sacrifice part of my personal time or social life, in order to make the dog part of my daily life. I actually wanted to have that responsibility now, to bring some structure to my life and make it more fulfilling.

Self-Fulfillment
Being single now, I think it would be nice to look forward to feeding / playing with my dog after work each day, taking him out on longer walks on the weekend. I think that would make my life happier and more meaningful, to be able to bring love and happiness to my dog. Of course a dog can never be a replacement for a boyfriend. What I am trying to say is, I think it's time I learn to make my life fulfilling, without relying on a guy to light up my world. If I can't be truly happy and comfortable being alone, I will always count on someone else to be my sole supply of happiness - which will be disastrous.

Space
My new flat will be bigger than my current space (of course still not big), with a big full-length window in the living room. I think my dog will enjoy the building view, checking out what other neighbors are doing across the street. Or staring at cars...... haha Well, there will be an open kitchen so overall there will be more space to walk around and play.

As I live in Happy Valley, it'll be lovely walking him around the neighborhood. There is also a little park where dogs and their owners meet at night and play (- referring to the dogs, not the owners). It'll be really sweet.

Name
I will get my Brasilian friend to think of a silly pup name in portuguese!
Minhoquinho! (Chinese would be "chung jai")
Cachorrinho! (Chinese would be "gao jai")
Coelhinho! (Chinese would be "to jai")
Poor pup. His name will be either "pup", "little worm", or "little bunny".