My facebook profile has a section where close friends could add words to describe me. Descriptions so far: "chic", "cultured", "free-spirited", "gutsy", and "solar-powered". I particularly like "gutsy". To me, it means daring and courageous in one's deeds as well as thinking, and also implies having the courage to go after what one feels right.
For about a week, I have been thinking about the concept of self-betrayal. I had a chat with a friend of mine last week, and learned that he had made a decision half a year ago against his instinct and true wishes, and had been suffering mental torture ever since. He had done what he had thought would be the "right" thing to do, by social standards, by rational thinking. He had thought his decision would cause the least damage, and life would go back to normal. It did on the surface, but deep down there was an undercurrant of emotions fighting for his attention all the time.
Recently, I've been reading a book called The Anatomy of Peace. In one chapter, there is mention of Self-Betrayal. The writer says that very often people do not listen to their inner voice anymore, ignoring their instinctive feelings and thoughts, their own sense of what is right. They choose to act against their instincts, and by doing so they end up having to find ways to justify their decisions/actions - often times by exaggerating some of the causes of those decisions. As a result, they are not happy, and they are not at peace with themselves.
I think the world is increasingly obsessed with facts, numbers, certainty, clarity, security..... We seem to be losing the instinct to explore and discover, while developing a growing fear of the unknown. What is life, if we don't fully live it and experience it OUR OWN WAY?
This morning, that friend told me that he finally listened to his heart and did what he truly felt was the right thing. I was proud of him.
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