Moving On (Sep 14, 07)

It's Saturday afternoon. I woke up an hour ago, checked my email, chatted with Angie about where to have dinner tonight with the others, and now debating in my head whether to go back to office or not to finish a report.

This is a not a typical Saturday afternoon for me... But what is? So much has changed and happened in the past 4.5 months I am trying to find my bearings again now, slowly. It's a good thing. I don't feel sad about it at all. In fact..... surprisingly calm.

For a while (in the last 4.5 months) I was always at the beach, or dragonboating, or walking, doing something outdoors. Then I went travelling for a bit. A weekend or two in Brazil, or Singapore, or Philippines. Ah, and one or two weekends, (haha) I completely passed out!! Oh, and going to museums in Shenzhen (correction: should be Guangzhou)! Art gallery in Kwai Fong! Chilling at the park!

Am trying to recall the weekends when we were still together. (Thinking hard...) We'd sleep till 11ish, check the weather. If it was sunny, WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE we'd be excited about going to the beach later in the day. Regardless, we'd shower, meet with friends for a long lunch in Soho. Sometimes we'd go to yoga class together. In the evening we liked to cook. Either eating at the dining table with a candle, or in front of the TV watching a movie. Late night, we might go out and join friends for a drink. Ah, and of course, sometimes staying in with friends or just us for a smoke listening to music.

It's strange how all this feels like ages ago. Like watching a home video from your childhood.

People asked me how I managed to cope with all that has happened. I told them,"I decided to free myself." While I cannot stop people I love from letting me down or even hurting me in the pursuit of their own happiness - they are just human afterall - I can decide to let go and not dwell on the pain. It's not easy, but knowing that there will never be anyone who can love me as unconditionally as I myself do, I have to take good care of myself.

Besides, I still believe my story is meant to be filled with sunshine, laughter, music, colors and hope. They'll all come back, as they always do.

As the wise man told me:
The objects, people, experiences you encounter are only parts of your life. You live for your own life, not for them.